The Diet to end all Diets

I was chatting with Babs this morning and said something flippantly that upon reflection, seems more profound; or at least, interesting. I was talking about how I've been spending sooo much money the past couple of weeks, between doing stuff to my house, paying for my entire vacation, and all the "little" bath and body purchases I've been making. Well, $30 here and $20 there eventually adds up to $100, real quick!!! I used to know that, but I got out of practice spending money a few years ago when I was laid off. It has taken me years to ramp back up again, but I seem to have found my shopping zen once more. And people, IT MUST STOP. Or at least slow down. Wayyyyy down. Now, I have no problem spending money on a much-deserved vacation, that is money well spent in my opinion. And house stuff? That's also valid because either it will help me sell the house sooner or it will just make me happier in the house until I sell it. However? The bath and body stuff is OUT OF CONTROL. I have always been *just on the brink* of bath and body madness. I was the first person to become addicted to Bath & Body Works when it opened, I think while I was in college. I have ALWAYS been a bath person. When anything bad happens, I jump in a hot bath with some divine bath cream/bubbles/fizzy/salts/something and feel better almost instantly.

But. The past two years or so? I'm not sure what triggered it, but I can't seem to get enough of yummy-smelling things. Lotions, shower gels, bath bombs, bubble bars, SCRUBS (face and body -- my latest addiction), bath pillows, etc etc etc. Out. Of. Control. And since the post-being-laid-off feeling has evidently lifted, it's gotten really bad. Plus I'm a member of this beauty board and I can spend HOURS reading what people are saying about new products, which products suck, which ones rock, when the SALES are, etc etc. It's insane. I admit it. The irony is probably that I don't even have a boyfriend or any kind of SO to appreciate how f***ing FABULOUS I smell all the time. .

So I told Babs that I was addicted to bath products (which I'm sure she already knew) and that in fact, if someone offered me ice cream or a bath bomb? I'd take the bath bomb. No question. Food or bathing decadence? Bathing decadence. As I thought about it, it occurred to me that this could be a BRILLIANT diet, if I could figure out how to work it; y'know??? But the secondary problem is that I seriously need to go on a bath and body diet, as well. I have a "stash" I have built up, slowly, and it's a little...um...huge. Lotions? I probably have 20 I haven't even OPENED yet, not to mention the 14 on my bedside table (ask Nicole, she saw it). Scrubs? More than 20, I'll bet. I never have less than 6 shower gels at one time in my shower, and there are SCORES more unopened. I have two shampoos right now, which is low for the moment, and have narrowed it down to one conditioner. But the point is, no way in my life can I ever hope to use all this up. If I stopped buying stuff today, I'd be set for life, i'm pretty sure. Luckily this stuff has a shelf life, so I'm forced to purge ever so often... but then? The horrible, debilitating GUILT at the waste.

Occasionally I put together little goodie bags for family and friends, but not often enough. It's really hard to get rid of things because I only buy really great stuff, and I love it all. I would marry it all. If I could.

So. Not sure how to start the food diet thing, as that is an ongoing challenge for me, but the B&B diet is much more clear. Starting today? I am not buying another product until at LEAST the fall. This summer i'm going to work very, very hard to use stuff up and give things away as I become detached. I am going to smell so damn good that bees will follow me everywhere and Jess will build a nest in and live in my hair. I will be the cleanest girl in Austin. No, in the Land!

Please, good man, if you're out there? Follow that wonderful smell and ASK ME OUT, will you??