I have a lot to share, for so much has happened in the past two weeks. Joyful things. And I will share these things. But not right now. Right now, the only thing i can focus on is the loss of Jess, my gray pumpkin spice. We had to let him go yesterday -- he was just working too hard to breathe and he wasn't resting and he couldn't get comfortable because his body was so very full of fluid. He was not having a good time anymore. He still sat on my head every night and purred me to sleep, but I could feel his labored breathing, labored purring. It was just time. This doesn't stop me from beating myself up about it, oh no, I've been crying for two days now. I feel guilty. I feel relieved. I feel grief. I feel sorrow. I feel love. I feel responsible. But most of all, I feel the giant hole left in my life, in my home, in my soul, now that he is gone. I miss him so much. There will never be another Jess.