Friday, July 28, 2006

It is done. YEEEE-HAAAWWWW!!!

So here I am, battered and bruised, limping down the other side of the mountain I have been tediously climbing since about April. I am tired, travel weary, trembling with adrenaline and fatigue, but ... I no longer have to worry about selling my house. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it SOLD in less than 24 hours. TWO offers by the end of the first day. It's under contract and might even close before August 10! Can we all breathe a shockingly, head-rush-inducing, deep, cleansing breath in my honor, please? Can I hear a "HELL YEAH"?


If I don't sound more gushy and excited it's simply because I've been almost constantly on my phone for the past two days, calling everyone with updates, back and forth with the realtor, etc etc. I am emotionally drained. My body aches from the tension. This time a mere week ago, I was about to blow a gasket from all the loose ends hanging open and the severe lack of knowing. Now, I am looking forward to being able to fully relax in...say... six more months?????

Anyway, in honor of selling my home, I am going to Denver this weekend for a quick house-hunting trip, and in a wild turn of events, Tamara is going with me! We leave tomorrow night and return Tuesday night. Staying with my sis. Checking out different parts of the city, deciding what area I like, visiting many properties, both from Craigslist and from an apartment locator will be a whirlwind for sure, but MUCH more fun than the whirlwind of getting my house on the market!

It's hard for me to believe that we are almost done with July; it seems like the last time I was conscious of my surroundings and time and space was in early June. Then I had the DC trip, the CO interview, and then the whirlwind turned into a whirlgust and BOOM here we are. The worst behind us. Dear God, please let the worst be behind us.

I'm sure I will have deep and meaningful things to say about all of this in retrospect. The past five months of my unemployment have been pretty interesting, and totally different than what I was expecting from past experience. I'm sure I have learned a lot and grown a lot and blahblahblah, but people, i'm just hanging on by the solid-white-freakishly-thick-and-curly hair I plucked out of my bangs this morning, and I gots to get some sleep.

But I couldn't sleep without shouting it from the rooftops:
The Adventure is Just Beginning!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Rock Star: Super-Lame?

Sorry, but I'm watching this right now and Tommy Lee dances like a girl. And, does Dave Navarro really have any credibility? Really???? I mean, yeah, once upon a time he was in a great band, but he's not, he's not the brightest bulb on the tree, now is he? Ok, maybe I'm being a shrew tonight. Maybe I'm slightly irritable because I've been working my ASS off getting the house ready to go on the market (hello -- TOMORROW!!) and I'm dirty from climbing around my muddy (yet giant hole-less) yard, and I'm tired b/c I have not been sleeping much, for various reasons. Anyway, I am a self-proclaimed reality tv junkie, but this Supernova thing seems...Ugh. And are any of their feedback comments really helpful? "Duuude, your head bobble is not doin' it for me..." "You lost me on the hip grind -- it's so...predictable..." -- I mean, who ARE these people? These so-called heavy metal "superstars"? I'm just sayin.

And don't even get me STARTED on the contestants.

Ok, i'm grumpy. yes. Nervous. yes. Excited. almost. Spontaneously throwing up. yes.

But -- today two of my favorite people in the world were born -- Steph and Claytie -- and I am so very glad. Soooo very glad. Happy Birthday, Lovies! Incidentally, Steph was an undisputed **rock star** this weekend, helping me get my house ready. And I'm glad one of us was excited about cleaning out the closets!

More soon...............I'm kind of emotionally drained lately, but I'll try to think of a mind-boggling list or something ;)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

What is Hell?

Hell is... Texas in July. Hell is... Texas in July with NO A/C. Hell is... having to pay $350 to repair your A/C unit the WEEK before your house goes on the market.

Today I woke up and it was hot. I mean, it's always hot here, but it was hot IN my house. By noon I was sweating, just sitting around. By 1:00 I realized I had a problem. A big problem. By 2:00 I'd called several A/C companies only to find that in July? In Texas? Forget about getting same-day service, unless you are willing to pay out the ass for "emergency" service. But seeing as it was over 95 degrees in my house by 4:00, it qualified as an emergency in my book. So between 4 and 7:30 today, while waiting or the A/C people to come and save the day, I alternated between taking ice-cold showers, to lying naked on my bed with the fan going full-blast, no TV on (it generated too much heat), back to the cold shower, back to the naked fan sprawl, and so on. The cats joined me in their nudity, only they chose to sprawl on the kitchen tile, spread eagled on their backs. I decided I didn't really feel like being naked on my kitchen tile. But anyway.

Now it is cool again, but I'm exhausted and generally irritated that I lost a day of packing. I suppose I could still get something done now, but surprisingly, being hot for hours on end, IN YOUR OWN HOUSE, kinda saps the productivity right out of you. Or out of me, I should say.

Tomorrow: I'll get craaaazzzeeee and double up, doing the cat room AND the coat closet. weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Moral of the story: don't ever take air conditioning for granted. Ev-ah. Second moral: move to Colorado, stat.

p.s. since people seem intent on informing me that it has been hot in CO this week too, let me respond by saying AT LEAST IT WILL END SOON THERE. Texas is just getting warmed up, so to speak, and will not see any trace of cool-ish air until mid November. So, HA.

It's Real

It's official: I've accepted an offer with the dream company in Colorado!! And I even have a start date: August 15! Yes! OMG! And my realtor wants to put my house on the market next Monday! So now I have that deadline and have been stunned out of my paralysis!

So I'm a little wound up. Sorry. Today I conquered my bedroom closet. Behold:

My shoe solution:

And in this one, the emphasis is on the Floor. How it is Empty. Yes.

So anyway, the goal is to one dreadful task a day. Tomorrow I take on the utility room. Read: catbox room. Ugh.

I really am excited, but I can't quite see past the logistical nightmare ahead of me in the next 3-4 weeks. The premium situation would be for my house to be sold in less than a week (HA) then I can *really* pack and take everything with me when I go to CO. If my house was sold, I could go ahead and rent a place up there. But this plan hinges on my house not sitting on the market for months. I don't think that will happen -- things are selling pretty well in my neighborhood right now. All very exciting!! Either way, I'll be staying with my sis (read: nephews) for a while, which will be cool. Very cool.

Well that's the scoop for now, I'm going to try and sleep...maybe I'll sleep easier tonight? It hasn't quite sunk in yet, but the bottom line is

I HAVE A JOB!!!!!!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Going out with a silent hissssssssss…

So since it looks like I’m definitely uprooting and moving to CO within the next month or so, my list of things “to do” has dramatically increased, as well as increased in intensity. Yet I spent this weekend, the first in a month that I was at my own home, paralyzed and freaked out. I simply don’t know where to start, or at least that’s what I tell myself. Usually shopping helps loosen me up and garners inspiration, but I can’t even make myself go buy those plastic shoeboxes I’ve decided are the solution to my closet shoe problem. Which would hopefully kick-start the official and awful cleaning of my closet. The thing I dread most in the world, at the moment. But every time I go in there, I get bogged down in my messy bedroom (with a partially unpacked suitcase still on the floor, Piper’s new cat bed) and bathroom (a pile of dirty clothes I can’t seem to relocate to the laundry room) before even getting to the odious closet. I have, however, changed out a few light bulbs, which is SOMETHING, people. I don’t know why it never occurred to me before the visit from the house-selling guru, but putting in 75-watt bulbs in my closet and laundry room made a HUGE difference. Go figure. I mean, why has it never occurred to me that perhaps the rooms wouldn’t be so dark if there was more light??

But. That’s about it, as far as progress. I’ve been in denial and freak-out land, spending a lot of time sleeping. Because when I’m sleeping my tummy isn’t doing flips and my mind isn’t racing with “omg what have I done”-type thoughts. I did manage to socialize Friday night, but bailed out on plans yesterday and today because I couldn’t make myself get moving soon enough OR I was asleep. Very very sad. Maybe I’m preparing myself subconsciously for the solitude that will most likely accompany me after my cross-country move? I will say it: I am scared shitless. This doesn’t mean I don’t want to go – I’m going! But I’m scared. It’s hard to imagine starting over at 36 – it feels very different than the last time I uprooted and started over, more than 12 years ago.

So. That’s the state of the Lisa. I’m thinking at this point I will not be going out with a “bang”… it feels more on target with my mood right now to slink out of town, thus in denial of all the sad “goodbyes” and such. We’ll see… Maybe I’ll feel differently tomorrow. Because this is what I want, what I have wanted – right??

Yes, yes it is.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Observations on travel - the short list

During my recent jet setting, I have learned/observed various things. Things such as:

1. Don't E.V.E.R. fly with a sinus infection.
2. Don't consume 5 cough drops in under 10 minutes -- even though this may prevent said infected sinuses from exploding upon takeoff and landing, it will make you somewhat dizzy. And nauseous. Also, don't freak upon reading the cough-drop instructions and seeing you are only supposed to take "1 every 2-3 hours". It's too late. Deal.
3. Be prepared to battle ants in the catfood -- for the first time in a year -- upon your late-night return.
4. Do not expect to sleep after leaving said cats alone for 10 days out of the last 14. Having a petsitter doesn't take the edge off. At all.
5. It's okay to think hateful thoughts about the person seated next to you on your 4th flight in 14 days. Thoughts like, "If that person steals my armrest ONE MORE TIME i'm spiking her water with cough drops when she gets up to go to the bathroom for the 4th time in half an hour..." Think it, but don't do it.
6. Don't expect to meet lofty goal of getting your house on the market four days after returning from many travels, much stress, and a sinus infection.
7. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're not feeling particularly prolific upon your return to hell - er, Texas in July. ;)

Um. Yeah, so a list of seven. Sorry, that's the best i can do right now. More to come...

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

musings from colorado

I can hear the sound of things falling into place, with little light plinks, clicking with satisfying snaps. Thoughts running loose in my head. I try to read, but my mind wanders. Beyond logistics, or money, or work. I am recalling things from my past, things that in retrospect, have all lead up to my present. It is disconcerting.

BT sent me a message tonight, uncharacteristically thoughtful of him. Uncharacteristically mindful, actually – I was not aware that he kept track of my whereabouts or remembered my schedule. But I am reminded of a time, many years ago, when he called me, and I listened in silence as he haltingly apologized to me. Even then it was surreal to hear him say it was his fault, not mine. He had been an idiot, I had not been too clingy, too emotional, too anything. He was simply too…himself. And long ago, we tried again to make it work. Tried to be more, tried to be everything. And there were – are – moments of synchronicity. But it has been years since I thought we could be anything but what we are now. So I wonder why these memories of a more innocent, more hopeful time, are visiting me tonight, so far away from home. Or is that exactly why?

My heart aches with the knowledge of all that I am leaving behind to come here, to start fresh, to “reboot” my life, so to speak. I will not lose my dear friends, and Austin will still be there, waiting for me, but everything will change, more than I can probably imagine at this point. Will I feel the additional distance between myself and those of my friends that I already see sporadically? Or will it feel pretty much the same, with phone calls and emails and visits. Will they forget about me? Will they fill in the gap of me and continue, the same but different? And just how lonely will I be here, thousands of miles away, alone at a new job, a new city, a new life. What will I do when I plummet into my occasional darkness, when I hit my internal emotional wall? Who will I call when I need to connect, when I need someone to hold me? I know there will be other arms, new arms in my future, but will that soften the blow of losing the arms that hold me now?

Tomorrow is going to be exhausting and I should try to sleep. A full day of more interviews, then a race to the airport to catch a flight home, where I will fall into bed tired and mindless and not be able to sleep because there will be two needy felines anxiously curling around my body, nuzzling my ears, mewing their relief that I am home.


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Back at home for two days -- quick update

Well I obviously did not end up taking my laptop on my trip to D.C., and as it turns out I would have had no time to blog anyway. I am working on the summary blog, but in the meantime I got back yesterday and I'm working on getting sick, which is perfect because I leave for CO on Saturday. Yay me!

But I did want to check in and say that I survived and those Vietnam Helicopter Pilots are tough cookies and damn I feel like crap.

More soon!