Wednesday, April 05, 2006

On becoming my mother

I said it would never happen. Not that my mom is dreadful or anything, I just thought I was always going to be young and hip. But as I was propped up on a pile of pillows in bed last night, reading a mystery novel about 2 inches from my face, flanked by cats, a box of kleenex parked next to me, it hit me. O.M.G.

It's occurred to me before, but not as blatently. Sometimes I'll say something in a certain way and think "ACK - mom expression" -- but this, this is out of control.

More evidence: my bedside table is way cluttered. There is a pile of at least 7 books I either haven't started or started and never finished. Bottles of lotion and lip balm. An empty water glass. A candle. A cat. No wonder I have trouble waking up early these days, my alarm clock is literally buried. And if you open the top drawer of the table, you will find an arsenal of prescription drugs, more lotion, more lip balm -- you get the idea. MOM.

Of course the obvious difference is I am not a mom at all. Or even married. I am a single cat lady who loves Target and TJ Maxx and American Idol. I have an iPod and drive a Toyota. I have a messy home. Wait, i'm my mom again (just kidding MOM).

It is times like these that I wonder if there's something wrong with me that I'm content to read a mystery in bed with my cats as opposed to DATING. I have to say, I'm just not in the mood to "date". Dating sucks. The quasi-relationship I am in is just fine for me. I keep waiting to get starry eyed and yearn for more or something, but it doesn't seem to be happening. THEN I wonder, am I going to be satisfied in 10 years? Because by then my baby options will be pretty much over, even if I'm part of a couple. Am I just being lazy? Should I try harder? But...I just don't FEEL like it. I like being alone. I like the company of my cats, who are generally quiet and accepting and affectionate with no strings (except catnip, which I can deal with). I have a million other excuses -- my weight, my unemployment, my hair -- but it all boils down to this: I'm content with my single life and not in the mood to shake things up.

So for now I will remain propped up in my queen-sized bed, just the right size to accommodate myself and 32-lbs. worth of juicy cats. I will keep pushing through my stack of books and using copious amounts of kleenex. Maybe I will be inspired at some point, but for now, this is just fine. MOM. :)


Hope said...

I'm totally with you on the 'not interested in dating' thing. I'm perfectly happy coming home to my puppy every night, spending time at the dog park, watching tv, reading and playing silly computer games. I LIKE having the bed to myself (except for 81lbs of dog). I also like that I feel content with myself and not pressured to find someone to complete me.

I think it says something about yourself if you can be happy with who you are and the life you have, even if it's not perfect (job, weight, hair). If you can't be happy alone, you won't be happy with someone, at least that's my opinion.

Nicole said...

Yes, Sistah, I sometimes have "Mom Moments", too. I'll say something in a funny little voice like, "hellooo.." It doesn't help that my body is a carbon copy of hers (not that that's bad) but lately my hands are looking more and more like hers everyday.

That's good that you're content with your life. Not many paople can say the same. Enjoy the quiet and freedom you have. It may not last forever!