Monday, July 11, 2005

Stumbling down the path

Well, a good friend of mine's blog today was very deep and introspective, and brought up an issue that I, too struggle with more than I care to admit: Have I made the right choices in my life, and what would have been different had I made different ones? This has been weighing heavily on my mind as of late, for some reason, so I feel like my friend and I are in perfect psychic sync :)

Now I am not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I remembered an article I read in an old Oprah magazine, and I searched around on the web until
I found it. I didn't realize he was the author until now. Hm. Anyway, Dr. Phil believes we all have made seven critical choices that are life changing, and our self-concept has been shaped by the result of these choices. There is a fascinating and scary questionnaire you can take to figure out some of these things. I only did one of my seven critical choices, and I'm feeling a little raw and fragile as a result. I hope I can get up the gumption to do them all. I'd love to share what I've done so far, but I think this particular choice is too personal to share on the web. Maybe I'll get the guts at some point, but not tonight. However, I will share my initial list, sans details, of the 7 critical/pivotal choices I have made in my life. Those forks in the road to which Steph referred:

1. Choosing to lose my virginity - when and to whom. (not internet-friendly, people).
2. Choosing to take off the spring semester of my junior year of college and work full-time at Foleys in College Station, TX.
3. Choosing to stay in Texas and wait for my ex to propose rather than pursuing my dream of living in CO at Spring Canyon, where I had been extended an offer.
4. Choosing to move to Austin and financially support my ex while he finished college.
5. Choosing to finally go get the help I needed, finally facing my issues, and reaching a lot of truths I feared. My journey to me.
6. Leaving my ex-husband as a result of this self-discovery.
7. Deciding to throw caution (and finances) to the wind and go to Europe with Tamara on Freedom Trip 1997. Although it was a decision, it was a decision to be impulsive, for one of the first times in my life. If that makes sense.

But, there are more! I'm supposed to narrow it down to 7, but since this is my blog and I can do what I want to, I'm going to continue the list until I feel I'm finished.

8. Choosing to fall crazy in love with a guy I knew wasn't ready for it so soon after my separation - and subsequently moving in together less than a year later.
9. Realizing it was time to end this relationship that had such a profound and important effect on my self-esteem and my life - this was one of the saddest moments of my lifetime.
10. After realizing I hated being a tech writer, I chose to put myself out there by applying for a copywriter job - my "dream" job
11. Accepting the job.
12. Deciding to return to tech writing after I'd been laid off from the "dream" job for almost a year.
13. Being a copywriter again, and promising myself I'll never go back to tech writing because this is where I should be, career-wise.

My car wreck two years ago was a profoundly pivotal moment in my life, but it doesn't make the list because it wasn't something I chose.

Whew, that was a little bit gut wrenching. I challenge you to make your own list, and maybe even share it with us - we can call it "Blog Therapy" and work through our issues together! But seriously, the next thing on Dr. Phil's path to finding your Authentic Self is making a list of the 5 most influential/pivotal people in your life so far. That's a doozy, and I don't feel up to it right now. I'll save it for the next time I'm in the mood for self-reflection, and who knows when that will be. Tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Until then - goodnight.


Babs said...

Wow. That would be a fascinating exercise! And it was very brave of you to post your list. You and Steph are my heroes today!

Seriously Steph. said...

Great post, Lis. And one I have to think a lot on before I attempt to post something. You're awesome for sharing all of that!