meh.

Nothing is all right. Everything is, in fact, all wrong. The balance of my universe is off, and it’s starting to make me dizzy.

First no job. Then no sleep. No money. No interviews. Now the latter three are better, but there’s No BT. He is M.I.A. And his timing couldn’t be worse, because I need some shred of instability to be stable right now, dammit. It wouldn’t be such a big loss if I had, oh, I don’t know – OTHER things going on in my life that make me temporarily forget my plight. But you see, I don’t. I have had only interviews for jobs that are “meh”. I have enough money to pay the bills right now, somehow. I’m even sleeping through the night again. But. A girl needs an outlet, you know? Why does he have to fall off the radar when mine is bleeping out of control??? Not. Fair.

So I watched the Grey’s Anatomy 2-hour season finale tonight, and all I have to say is, wow. That is the best show EVAH. Usually they leave you hanging in some annoying manner at the end of a season, but this one was perfect. Everything happened and everything was in turmoil yet there was some closure, and I sobbed through ¾ of the show, and now it’s over. Yet another end to one of the few things that brings me pleasure nowadays. Yes yes, just send Kleenex®. I’ll be fine.

After a whirlwind week of travel, now the prospect of just slothing around again is not so appealing. I may just bite the bullet and get in my car and drive. Drive and drive and drive. All the way to nowhere. It also occurred to me tonight that I could always go to travelocity right this very minute, buy a ticket to anywhere for tomorrow, and just disappear for a while. God, that sounds so appealing right now. Just leave my pet sitter a blank check and take off. Ahhh, to be young, impetuous and irresponsible. [bitter, ragged sigh]

I want to stop the ride and get off. Not forever, just for a while. Is that so much to ask? IS IT?