it's getting to be that time of year again...

...the time of year when crazy people think it's fun to go sleep outside in the woods and rise with the sun. Makes absolutely no sense to me -- why not go in the winter when it's not Africa hot??? [this is me shaking my head in wonder.]

Anyway, here is a list of the Top 12 Reasons Why I Hate Camping:

1. no A/C.
2. bugs.
3. lots of bugs.
4. I don’t care about predators, just bugs.
5. gross food. I’m not a big “eat meat that’s been in an ice chest for 24 hours” person; my friends will tell you about my slight mania about refrigeration… also, I hate trail mix and lukewarm drinking water.
6. dirt.
7. no Internet access or color TV – those little handheld b/w TVs with antennas that only pick up sports don’t quite cut it.
8. no **clean** restroom facilities. clean as in you do not have to wear flip flops and shower with one eye fixed on the daddy-long-legs formation throbbing ever so gently yet ominously next to the shower nozzle.
9. everything about camping smells funny.
10. especially musty, gross sleeping bags. does anyone besides me wonder about when the hell they’ve last been washed? I mean, you get into a sleeping bag in your [dirty] clothes, you’re sweaty and [dirty], you sweat all night due to the number one reason I hate camping, then you roll the sleeping bag back up and stick it out in your garage until next time ---- ewwwwwww. and no, “airing it out” does not count.
11. that time nicole rescued a mayfly and we were running for shelter in the pouring-down rain and one of us tripped on the tent rope (ok, it was me) and went flying into the mud and knocked the other one down, tragically smooshing the mayfly.
12. the time there was a downpour and a river was running through our tent and in the middle of the night my cot “snapped” closed, tossing me onto the cold, wet, muddy ground. with the mayfly remains.