So here I am on the eve of another Monday i'm not really ready for. While I was somewhat productive this weekend, i'm still frantically trying to finish my freelance project. Yes, the one that's kinda late. That one. So what am I doing? Blogging. That's how much i love you, Internet.
I am feeling a little blue tonight; I can feel my body changing, feel its shape shifting, yet I weighed myself this morning and only lost a pound this past week. It's my own fault -- I am sticking to the eating almost too well, and have been largely unable to meet my calorie requirements on a daily basis. That is, I keep coming in significantly under what I'm supposed to eat. Because I'm already kind of bored with food. And I don't like to snack. And I needed to go to the grocery store this weekend, but I didn't. And if I'm not driven by emotions, I might as well not eat, it seems. It's hard to get excited about eating yogurt. Again. I've never had a real problem getting hungry on diets; I just get bored. Anyway, the fact that i'm not eating enough is probably causing my metabolism to slow down a bit.
Also? I exercised minimally last week. And I feel like crap about it. But I suppose that's why I hired a trainer in the first place, to stoke my severe lack of self motivation. I cannot seem to motivate myself to exercise yet -- maybe because i'm still adjusting to the drastically different eating? I don't know. I know I need to just do it. But there always seems to be something better to do. Or I get home and it's already dark outside and i'm scared to walk alone in my dark neighborhood full of pod people. Not because it feels dangerous; it just plain gives me the willies. [This neighborhood is full of young families. But come 6:30 pm? Not a soul is outside. Not One. Single. Person. It's deadly quiet and downright creepy. I know it's ridiculous, but when I'm walking I feel like all these eyes are staring at me out the windows, staring at the chubby single girl who also hardly ever emerges from her house. And even though I have the iPod, I am loathe to wear it walking after dark because I feel too vulnerable not being able to hear. Neurotic? I don't know.] But it's only the end of week 2, so I guess I can not totally beat myself into a pulp. sigh.
So I tried to cook this weekend. Oh, how I tried. I bought meat at the grocery store last week. I thawed it in the fridge. I searched the Internet and downloaded a low-fat recipe. I began the dish yesterday, and let it marinate overnight. Today was the big day -- I cooked it. And? It totally fucking sucked. I took one bite and threw all of it away. It was not just tasteless, it was disgusting. And this, people, is why I hate to cook. No matter what I do, I have never had a successful cooking experience. It always sucks.
Um, I didn't really mean for this to be a bitching blog, but oh well i'm already on a roll :)
But, I am also done.