Friday, March 23, 2007

Kissing a stranger

The first kiss. So important, yet so unpredictable. In my carefree youth, I firmly believed that the first kiss told all. That the first kiss held all the potential of the relationship. If there weren’t butterflies and unicorns, don’t bother. And I have a few butterflied unicorned first kisses in my past, oh yes. Weak-in-the-knees, throw-all-reason-to-the-wind, heart-thumping, mind-numbing first kisses. But obviously, a first kiss can be misleading. Just because you swoon doesn’t mean he’s “the one”. Or even a nice guy, for that matter.

It stands to reason, then, that a mild first kiss doesn’t portend disaster. Or even a lack of chemistry. I know this in my brain, I know this from talking to my girlfriends, I even know this from experience. But it still kinda sucks, doesn’t it?

Or does it?

Maybe it is just too much pressure to expect fireworks the first time you are close enough to smell a person’s shampoo. Why do we think that if there aren’t instant sparks, there’s nothing there? It doesn’t really make sense. Because basically, the first time, you’re kissing a stranger. Isn’t it more logical that the sparks would intensify as you get to know someone? As you discover their unique-ness, their special-ness, their lovable-ness? As you slowly uncover the hidden treasure, the potential of a long and satisfying relationship? It’s like coffee, or beer (or yes, sex) – at first taste, you just weren’t that impressed and didn’t get what all the fuss was about. But the more you taste it, the more it grows on you. And before long you must have it, can’t imagine life without it.

Or perhaps it is even simpler than that. Perhaps as we have grown older and more mature, we have learned that things aren’t always as they seem. That snakes do hide in sheep’s clothing, that people do lie and cheat, and that instant chemistry does not equal love. Or even like, for that matter. We are not just vessels at the mercy of a temperamental sea; we actually do have some control over how we feel. And isn’t that a relief? By our late 30s, it seems we should understand that there are things more important than instant butterflies. Sure, butterflies are nice and all. But you can’t always trust the butterflies. The butterflies, they are all willy nilly. They tend to flutter around, causing a stir, and then flutter away, to the next bright and shiny object. Or they get caught in a gust of wind and mashed into a windshield. Hey, it happens. And don’t even get me started on unicorns…

I suppose it comes down to this: in the long run, would you rather have a delicate butterfly, or a determined bumblebee? I myself am holding out for an energetic hummingbird.

What do you think?

7 comments:

Crazy MomCat said...

What do I think? What do I think?

Well...

What I THINK is that if you don't email me soon about this new boy with the first kiss...or potential for a first kiss soon...well...

well...my curiousity might just cause me to implode right here and now. GIVE ME DETAILS!

I like the hummingbird request though, incidentally. (grin)

Babs said...

omg, the idea of kissing a hummingbird type is totally grossing me out!

Take this with a grain of salt, but I think a first kiss should sweep you away... True, it has nothing to do with whether the guy is a "good guy" for you, but ugh. Nothing is worse than a ho-hum kiss. I'd take a bad lay over a bad kiss anyday. ;)

Lisabell said...

Ok, let me clarify that I am not talking about kissing **like** a hummingbird -- I am talking about hummingbird flutters vs. butterflies during the kiss. Flutters. Not tongue.

Hope that helps... ;)

Crazy MomCat said...

OK, you guy's exchange in here made me laugh out loud, and I think I even have the flu right now. Now, that's funny!

Tamara said...

Wah! OK.
The saddest thing to me about settling down with a life partner (and yes, I am ridden with issues but let's leave that to another post, shall we?) is that there will never be another first kiss. GOD. I think there is nothing in the world like it. Nothing. I have told you guys already what I think about anticipation. MAN. First kiss. First touch. First time. All of it. CANNOT be beat.

Dipu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dipu said...

Now you know where performance anxiety comes from...