spring in colorado

So yesterday it was another lovely spring day with highs in the 60s; I actually saw tulips poking through their bulbs and birds that appeared to be flying back to CO instead of away from it. I went to bed last night with my windows cracked and a cat on my head, as per the usual. This morning I woke up to 5 inches of snow, and it was still coming down. It stopped for a few hours in the afternoon, then started up again just in time for rush hour -- but this snow was not like the other snow. This snow didn't stick to the roads or sidewalks. It fell in giant, wet flakes, accumulating on the grass, open bulbs, tree branches, but not the roads--the roads were simply wet. I'm told this is normal for this time of year.

I like it. I wasn't quite ready to relinquish winter, my favorite season.

That's all I got. More soon...........

what a difference a week makes.

So it turns out that my last post, while well thought out, was total bullshit.

I must have the tingle. Must. Have. It. No amount of rationalization can manufacture chemistry, and it's just too depressing to imagine an entire future with no chemistry.

and that's all i'm going to say about that...

Kissing a stranger

The first kiss. So important, yet so unpredictable. In my carefree youth, I firmly believed that the first kiss told all. That the first kiss held all the potential of the relationship. If there weren’t butterflies and unicorns, don’t bother. And I have a few butterflied unicorned first kisses in my past, oh yes. Weak-in-the-knees, throw-all-reason-to-the-wind, heart-thumping, mind-numbing first kisses. But obviously, a first kiss can be misleading. Just because you swoon doesn’t mean he’s “the one”. Or even a nice guy, for that matter.

It stands to reason, then, that a mild first kiss doesn’t portend disaster. Or even a lack of chemistry. I know this in my brain, I know this from talking to my girlfriends, I even know this from experience. But it still kinda sucks, doesn’t it?

Or does it?

Maybe it is just too much pressure to expect fireworks the first time you are close enough to smell a person’s shampoo. Why do we think that if there aren’t instant sparks, there’s nothing there? It doesn’t really make sense. Because basically, the first time, you’re kissing a stranger. Isn’t it more logical that the sparks would intensify as you get to know someone? As you discover their unique-ness, their special-ness, their lovable-ness? As you slowly uncover the hidden treasure, the potential of a long and satisfying relationship? It’s like coffee, or beer (or yes, sex) – at first taste, you just weren’t that impressed and didn’t get what all the fuss was about. But the more you taste it, the more it grows on you. And before long you must have it, can’t imagine life without it.

Or perhaps it is even simpler than that. Perhaps as we have grown older and more mature, we have learned that things aren’t always as they seem. That snakes do hide in sheep’s clothing, that people do lie and cheat, and that instant chemistry does not equal love. Or even like, for that matter. We are not just vessels at the mercy of a temperamental sea; we actually do have some control over how we feel. And isn’t that a relief? By our late 30s, it seems we should understand that there are things more important than instant butterflies. Sure, butterflies are nice and all. But you can’t always trust the butterflies. The butterflies, they are all willy nilly. They tend to flutter around, causing a stir, and then flutter away, to the next bright and shiny object. Or they get caught in a gust of wind and mashed into a windshield. Hey, it happens. And don’t even get me started on unicorns…

I suppose it comes down to this: in the long run, would you rather have a delicate butterfly, or a determined bumblebee? I myself am holding out for an energetic hummingbird.

What do you think?

fallen

Today, this happened. At my apartment complex. My building in fact, and my floor. I don't know the child, and I was at work when it happened. But even if I hadn't known about this tragic accident before I got home, I would've known that something had happened due to the palpable, lingering weirdness in the air. There was a horrible accident just down the hall from me. There was a helicopter on the front lawn where people play with their dogs and build snowmen. Everything feels different, and I don't know if I'm picking up on the anguish of the family, or if my connection to my own 2-year-old nephew and a 2-year-old little boy that died years ago is triggering the hell out of me, but I'm not anticipating restful sleep tonight.

Other stuff has been going on too, but I don't feel like prattling on about concerts and boys and food tonight, so i'm going to save that for a rainy day. Possibly tomorrow. Because it is supposed to rain tomorrow.

G'night then, and please send positive thoughts to this child.

too tired to post

The title of this post pretty much says it all, but I still felt the need to check in and say "hi" or "I'm alive" or "I need a vacation baaaaaad". I have been working. And working. And working some more. And the novelty? Is wearing off. I can't relax even when I am at home because I'm feeling guilt about the work I **should** be doing instead of watching American Idol. I am dreaming strange things, often about writing sales guides. Not. Good.

I need a weekend or a week or heck, even a day, just to CHILL and not go anywhere, do anything, to not open the computer. Why is that so impossible???

So i'm sorry to disappoint my faithful readers, but I just don't have much to report. And I'm going to *try* to go to bed now.

p.s. i met the boy for coffee on saturday.

my ai haiku

I have been invited, by my sistah and Crazy MomCat, to participate in the American Idol Friday Haiku. I'm a couple of days late, but here's mine:

oh, kellie pickler
why did you grow your bottom
to match your new top?

dangerous mind

My disjointed, sleep-deprived thoughts right now:

- G. must not be gone for the day; her shoes are still here.
- It’s official: I cannot get a buzz in Colorado. It’s all or nothing.
- Why the hell is there nutritional information on McDonald’s Quarter Pounder with Cheese packaging??? WTF? Way to ruin a girl’s quickie lunch…

Also: it’s catastrophic when the server at work goes down. In case anyone was wondering. That’s why I’m actually blogging. Because I can’t send e-mails. Or surf. Or look up a word online (what? you want me to use a “paper” dictionary?? Do we even have one of those?…) I can’t obsessively check Tyler Durden to see if Britney’s done anything stupid today; can’t check the weather forecast, or cheap airfares, or all the other work-related sites I regularly visit. um. Anyway, with the server down, all my procrastination techniques are thwarted, except for the small irony that I CAN’T WORK, EITHER. Thank you, server. Thank you.

This afternoon I will finally enjoy a perk of my job I have not yet taken advantage of: free massage. See, there’s a massage school on the first floor of our building, and every couple of weeks they’ll send out mass emails to other tenants offering free massages so their students can practice. I’m not ashamed to be used, nuh uh. Especially since I paid $75 for the Worst. Massage. Evah. last week, and am still reeling from the disappointment. Free is good. No massage can be bad when it’s free.

So it’s been 45 minutes now with no server. Am realizing that this is what it was like back in the caveman days (no offense, caveman), before the Internet. I’m remembering now, it’s all coming back to me…. ugh.

i got nothin'.

Seriously. i'm actually really wanting to update my blog, but i have nothing. to. write. about. no kidding. i have been working a lot, blahblahblah. freelancing some. buying winter clothes on clearance. um. there's just nothing to report, guys.

i talk to people on the phone and they say "what's new? haven't talked to you in weeks!" and i have to say that nothing is new. no new developments. just enjoying my lovesac, the fireplace, and looking at the mountains. that's it. it doesn't seem like enough and i feel like i should be striving to make my life more ... something. but i'm content right now. and content is not a bad thing.

i have pretty much decided not to meet the boy who wants to meet me because no matter what i do, no matter how much encouragement i get from friends, i just. don't. care. and i don't want to fake it. the thought of getting gussied up only to be sized up just makes my fingernails curl right now. don't wanna do it. i'm really enjoying my weekend of csi miami, the shield, and catnaps in front of the fire -- why muck up a good thing??

so there you go. nada. nothing. zip. zero.

i will try and make something interesting happen in the next few days, i really will. but don't hold your breath. seriously...