Monday, August 14, 2006

The eve of employment...

I start my job tomorrow. the first full-time work I've done since March 14, when I was laid off from my previous job. It's been 5 long, interesting, change-laden months, that's for sure. I'm nervous about tomorrow. Do I remember how to act "professional"? Did I buy the right clothes to wear? Will I hate the clothes in the morning? Will the shirt buttons pop open? I'm sharing some of my anxiety with my nephew Cole, who started first grade today -- his biggest fear going into it was what to do about lunch -- who to sit by, what to eat, how it all worked... i'm kind of thinking about the same issues as they are related to my job. Will I come home for lunch? Try to run errands? will someone feel obligated to take me to lunch? It's all just so unknown. maybe i'm too old to start over? well, too late now...

I've been having lots of stress-related physical symptoms, including dizziness, stomach cramps, and general hysteria. I was beating myself up about it until i realized I've pretty much maxed out on the list of things in life that cause stress. Do we have losing our job? Yes! Moving? out of state? Hell yeah! Starting a new job? Woo hoo, yessireebob.

I shopped for two days worth of clothes this morning, came home for lunch, took a nap, and went to a movie. I saw "The Descent" and it was creepy and interesting, but I didn't like the ending. Then I hit Nordstrom Rack and found a couple more work-clothes-related items. Now I'm home and I can't find my mailbox. I have the key, but I took a long exploratory walk around my building and cannot locate the mailboxes I saw when I was shown the apt. a few weeks ago. Hmmm. Also, I have in my inbox a PDF of the closing papers on my house in Austin, so tomorrow I will sign them, fedex them back, and will once again be a non-home-owner. Is this going to sink in at some point?? because right now it seems surreal. I feel a little sad about never being in my house again. It was a good little house. Oh well. The next one will be even better, right?

Going to go take a bath in my huge tub now. Making the most of the tub, you know. More soon... think good thoughts for me tomorrow, ok?

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