the blahhhhhzzz

this is one of those weeks where i just can't believe it's already wednesday. and the relief i feel over that fact is overwhelming, almost bringing me to tears. i have been buried in work, but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, finally. i don't have a lot of news, but here are some "highlights" of the past week or so:

• it snowed just enough tonight to cover the ugly black snow-pile remnants with a cool, white, blanket of snow. awesome.
• robert has been sick for 3 days and won't go to the doctor. i guess he needs to die first. then he'll believe it's serious enough to warrant a doctor's visit. men = grrrrrrrrr.
• jess's blood sugar is still wonky and unpredictable. we upped the insulin dose again, and his blood sugar seems to have climbed. however, he sleeps now, which he had trouble with before. so i guess we're making progress? poor grey pumpkin.
• there were layoffs at my job but i "survived." why do i feel guilty??
• robert and jess are currently snoring in unison.

um, that's about it. well not really, but that's all i feel like writing right now. just wanted to check in...

that is all.

Casa update

So we went out to check on the house this weekend, and they've made quite a bit of progress -- which is freaking me out, since it's not supposed to be finished until April, and my lease isn't up til end of May. Everytime we go to the build site, I'm all telling the workers to "slow down!" For some reason, I don't think they hear that very often from the homebuyers...

So here is my actual house -- painted except for the door, front porch under construction...

Then we went inside, where I almost had a heart attack because... THEY ALREADY PUT THE WOOD FLOORS IN OMG OMG SLOW DOWN !!!

The floors aren't stained yet, but the way things are going, they'll be stained by NEXT WEEKEND OMG OMG SLOW DOWN !!!

Coupling.

As many of you know, and as I have previously alluded on this blog, I am now one half of a couple. And until things really got going, it didn't quite hit me that I had not been part of a true couple for about 9 years. In other words: EEEK.

I am here to tell you that there is a big (BIG) difference between being in a steady, loving, ever-present relationship and being in a once or twice a month maybe-i'll-see-ya-or-maybe-i-won't thing or even "dating" someone--who you're really not that into--for a short period of time. The big difference, besides contentment, acceptance, and general warm fuzzies, is proximity. In that, you have it. A lot of it. A lot of that person in your space. YOUR space, that is, what was previously your space and your space alone. This takes some getting used to and has probably caused me more angst than it should have.

But please, cut me a small break -- I've had almost 9 uninterrupted years of sole control of the remote, the entire couch, food decisions, weekend plans (or lack thereof) and movie choices. However. It's really not so horrible to share the responsibilities of meals, housework, driving, making plans, and most of all, happiness.

So this coupling thing--it's really not a bad deal, once you let yourself relax into it and quit peering furtively over your shoulder for the ever-looming other shoe that is dangling precariously from the dark cloud that has been following you around for..........ever.

Not bad at all.

How to Survive a Colorado Winter: Part One

No one wants a cold neck.

But I didn't know this, or rather, didn't appreciate or respect the pure misery of a cold neck, until I moved to Colorado. Now, in the midst of my second winter here, the second winter of "uncharacteristically" heavy snow, I totally get it. Having a cold neck? Sucks.

Looking back, I don't believe I even understood the concept in Texas. I would see colorful scarves in the stores starting in September (when it's still over 100 degrees there) and scoff. Oh, sure, they were pretty, but useless and sweaty, as far as I was concerned.

Well. I have been forced to swallow my scoff like a bag of burnt popcorn.

Here is what I know now: you can wear the warmest, coziest, puffiest coat on earth, the most luxurious down or the heaviest wool, but if your neck isn't wrapped in a scarf, forget it -- you're going to freeze your ass off.

Now, there are all kinds of hip ways to attach a scarf to your neck--we had a whole discussion at work about this today--but the bottom line is, you want something warm to fill the space between your nose and your collarbone when there is snow blowing down from the sky and your breath is so visible you can almost write words in it with your finger. And like the fashionista that I am (HA), I have taken to collecting scarves because they are not only useful, but a damn cute fashion accessory, as well.

Stay tuned for the next in this series: Gloves and the hell that is an icy cold steering wheel.

La casa bonita de Lisabella

Since so many of my importants are not here for me to personally drag to the model and building site of my house, I am going to post pics here for your viewing pleasure. Here ya go...

This is the front of the model home...

Here I am standing in the master bedroom -- note the majestic mountain view behind me; also note that they are building a 2-story house on that lot, so enjoy the view while you can...

Here is my "great room" and the door to the backyard.

I realize it's hard to picture with these types of pics, but I am sure I'll continue to post as it progresses, so sit tight :)

resolute.

In 2008, I will attempt to start blogging again regularly. Really. And to get started, I'm going to do a questionnaire proposed by sundry, then done by Babs and my sistah and Steph, to name a few.........it also seems like a really appropriate way to close out 2007, which was a really big year for me :) So, I present to you:

Lisa's 2007

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Soaked in an outdoor hot tub surrounded by snow and ice.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't make them, typically.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my dear friend Hope had a baby girl named Greta.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, a family friend I've known since birth passed away in October.

5. What countries did you visit?

I only traveled in the U.S. this year. Gotta fix that.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Travel abroad, a new house.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Labor Day, 9/3 -- the day I met R.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Gosh, I really don't know. Not quitting my job in disgust?

9. What was your biggest failure?
Um. Not quitting my job in disgust?



10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A house!! Although technically, that's not official until April of this year.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Babs, for following her heart and going freelance again.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Hint: a celebrity whose name sounds like "shitney".

14. Where did most of your money go?

shoes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Meeting R.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

"Bubbly"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?

Happier, thinner, about the same financially.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Travel.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Stress out, work long hours.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve with my sister and her family; Christmas Day with my dear friends K and K.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

OMG, FINALLY!

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey's.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope. Same asshole. ;)

24. What was the best book you read?

"Torch" by Cheryl Strayed

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Sarah Barielle (thanks Steph!)

26. What did you want and get?

Love and acceptance.

27. What did you want and not get?

A trip abroad.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't see very many. The most recent one that comes to mind is "I am Legend", which was not an Oscar winner or anything, but very interesting.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I celebrated with my friends and family in Texas, and I turned 37.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I'd paid off every last bit of my debt once and for all.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Comfortable and warm.

32. What kept you sane?

My friends.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

David Beckham.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The war in Iraq.

35. Who did you miss?

My friends in Austin who I don't get to see as often as I'd like.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Robert.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

Everything that you know can change in a matter of seconds.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Everything in its right place." - Radiohead

No time

This is a quick update just to let everyone know that I am alive. I have been extremely busy what with a week-long trip to Texas, a boyfriend, lots of work, and the arrival of winter in Colorado!! Yay!!

I have many things to say but no time to say them. There is a lot going on, most of it good, some of it not so much. But overall, I'm happy and almost deliriously happy about the onset of winter -- we had our first snow yesterday!

Ok, gotta run. But I promise, I will be back...

Filling.

I went in for a “simple” re-do of an old filling yesterday. The filling was cracked and silver and my new dentist was going to replace it with the fancy white fillings that last forever. I was actually scheduled to get both of my old fillings replaced yesterday. So imagine my surprise when it all went to hell in a handbasket and I ended up with my jaw pried open for two solid hours with two people tugging, chipping, drilling, and cursing at my poor mouth. On ONE FILLING. They only managed to replace the one due to “unforeseen complications”, so guess what? I get to go back NEXT WEEK to get the other one filled. YAY ME.

I was going to write something deep about how what we think will fulfill us might end up being more complicated than originally anticipated, or how that fulfillment night not fit right the first time and might need adjusting, and blahblahblah – but you know, I’m not feeling it, so I'm just going to leave it at this:

I hate the dentist.

Risk Assessment

Risk assessment … is measuring two quantities of the risk R, the magnitude of the potential loss L, and the probability p that the loss will occur.
-Wikipedia

I write about this every day at work. I throw the words around as selling points to potential clients – that in order to make their data centers, servers, whatevers more secure, they must first let us help them take a risk assessment in order to gauge, well, the risk. I know, rocket science.

But I’m finding that this universal measurement also applies in other areas of life, such as matters of the heart. Think about it. All of us take a risk assessment upon the initial meeting of a Person of Interest (PoI), whether it’s conscious or not. The balance is delicate and intuitive; how does the risk compare to the beats of your heart per second (hbps), measured against the tingle factor (TF) and then the all-important kiss assessment (KA)? If the last three compare favorably to the first, then you pretty much have to go for it. It is, as they say, worth the risk. But. This doesn’t minimize the fear, ohhhhh hell no. Because let’s face it, there are those of us who would choose to forgo elevated hbps, TF or KA if we could be spared a broken heart at the expense of the PoI.

So we have the power to choose; to play it safe, to protect ourselves, to prevent further emotional damage. Seems like it might even be the smart thing to do, no? Most of us have done this at one time or another. We’ve let go of something based on the probability of the loss, no matter how badly we might have wanted it. We’ve cut our losses.

But have we? Really?

These are things that have been running through my mind for the past couple of weeks. The balance, the risk, the rewards, the potential benefits. I was told by a doctor once, when I was very ill, that if I was a “risk taker” I would choose the more dangerous, medicinal route that would either save my life or kill me; or I could be timid, choose to forego the risk, and live half a life instead.

I didn't go for it then so I could wuss out now.

The Fall.

It's that time of year when the leaves are starting to turn and there is a definite chill in the air. It is Fall, and it actually feels like it, in more ways than one.

I have always loved Fall. Ever since I was 14 and fell in love for the first time, getting my first kiss, my first held hand, my first promise ring. My first high school football game, cuddled under a scratchy, musty blanket on the bleacher with a boy who made my heart pound out of my chest. Removing my retainer surreptitiously in order to kiss with tongue and not plastic. Wearing a borrowed letter jacket that smelled vaguely of smoke and teenage boy. It was so magical and powerful and new to me that I have forever associated this time of year with ... well... magic and power and newness.

But for the past [too many years to count], Fall has disappointed me. The excitement of the first cold front, the joy at pulling out the sweaters, the freedom of open windows, has been tinged with sadness and a feeling of being, well, anything but new. Year after year has gone by without the stomach butterflies I remember so well (although I can bring on simulated butterflies just by remembering the smell of my h.s. sweetheart's parents' van. mmm-hmm.)

The feeling associated with that most-special Fall of 23 years ago was hope. Blind, naive, stupid hope. The kind of hope you have before you've had your heart shredded for the first time. The kind of goofy joy you can only experience once, because after your heart has been shredded, you guard the pieces much more closely. You dole them out carefully, ever-prepared to come back around with a broom and dustpan and collect whatever might be left over from the next broken heart. And through the years, the pieces you are willing to hand out grow smaller. Consciously or not, you begin to only hand out the pieces you deem not as important, the ones you feel you can live without when they don't come back whole. Your capacity to trust is diminished, the spark of belief you used to have in the whole basic concept of love grows dim. You become convinced you will never be able to recapture that feeling of hope, that hope is for the young, for the innocent, for the careless.

But then, when you're least expecting it, when you have literally given up the silly dream of butterflies and blind hope, when you have accepted that your life will be a certain way and that's okay ------ you start to fall.

...to be continued...

honey.

Today I caught up on DVR'd shows, on-demand movies, and napping. I also watched perhaps the most depressing love story ever, "The Way We Were." If you haven't seen it, and you're sad about lost love, DO NOT watch it. Especially with wine. Trust me on this. My therapist told me a long time ago I should see it, after a hard breakup with a great guy with whom I was not meant to be with. Her point, I see now, was that sometimes you can love each other greatly, but it still isn't enough and you're still not a match. Um thanks, therapist. I'll be calling you again real soon.

Anyway.

After sobbing myself into a nice long nap, I woke up and went about my day (read: watched more movies, laundry, more sobbing). I ended up in the bathtub, as I am wont to do when feeling emotionally fragile. Which brings me to the next portion of this post: beauty reviews!! It's been a really long time, but I thought tonight was as good a time as any to review some of my fave products -- because while I haven't been blogging beauty products, I've been using beauty products. The theme of tonight's bath was Honey. Honey and its lovely, restorative, softening, swoon-inducing properties. I lurve eet. Here's what I used tonight:

• MMU's JoJo Honey Face Buff. If you have a chance to use this decadent mask, DO. It will leave your face silky soft like a baby's. Seriously. It is technically a "scrub" and has tiny little jojoba beads in it. But how I use it is I get in a hot bath, let my skin steam for a few minutes, and then apply it to my face like a mask. I then leave it on 5-15 minutes (depending on the length of my bath), then gently rub in the beads. I then rinse it off, and oila -- amazingly soft, amazing-smelling skin. It's a little sticky during the process, but sooo worth it. A little goes a long way.
• LUSH's Mange Too massage bar. OMG. This is decadent. You will smell simply edible after smoothing this along your warm, bath-soaked skin. Lush's massage bars can of course be used for massage, but hard-core Lushies know they also double as lotion. Solid lotion, if you will. Smooth one over your legs, arms, whatever, wet or dry, and it will melt upon contact just enough to leave a film of sweet-smelling moisturizer. It soaks in quickly, leaving you supple but not greasy. I like using Mange Too because it smells of -- you guessed it - honey. It is yummy beyond belief. Note: if you don't have access to a LUSH store and have to order these online, don't do so in the summer months; they will melt. If you do get a melted one, just pop it in the fridge for a few hours and it will solidify again -- it won't be as pretty, but will work just fine.

That's it for now. I am going to cuddle into my bed with a nice serial killer suspense novel and drift into a sweetly scented slumber. Tomorrow is Monday and I have to be ready for anything.

ciao for now.

technicalities

So technically, I haven't gone to bed yet, so it totally doesn't count as Saturday's post. This is Friday's post. Just so we're clear.

I just got out of a hot, milky bath in which I shaved my legs and armpits and soaked for 45 minutes in HOT WATER. Which I haven't had in TWO DAYS. That's right, this morning I still had no hot water, but my hair could not go another day. So yeah, I managed to wash my hair in an ice cold shower without getting my body wet. Determined chicks can accomplish miracles when they're cold. Anyway, I'm clean and shiny now, and my legs no longer make cricket sounds when they rub together.

So today was another sucky day at work, but there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel now. Hopefully it will work out and my soul will not continue to be slowly and agonizingly crushed. Because, damn. We sure do spend most of our lives in an office. I personally think that's messed up, but I've gotta pay the bills. One more reason to consider my running-away-to-Europe plan again in a few years... those people know how to vacation.

The point of this pointless post is that I really have no point. I do want to rub in, however, that I currently have my windows open and a cool breeze is wafting in. LOVE.

That is all.

missed a day...

what are you gonna do -- fire me?

heh.

Seriously though. Yesterday was wretched and i feared what venom would pour forth from my fingers if I attempted to blog. So I didn't.

Today, however. Today sucked even WORSE, but is still a bit more blogworthy. My first clue that the day was going terribly awry was when I stepped into the shower and it was ICE COLD. That was not a nice way to start off, especially with the first crisp morning in months -- it was in the high 50s this morning, and the cold water was not appreciated. After calling the office to bitch about it, I was told that "oh yeah, they're doing some repairs to [my building] and it **should** be fixed today." Honestly? I'm greasy and weary but too afraid to try the water again just yet. I mean, what if it's still cold? Do I really want to end my day in the same unpleasant way in which it began? Really?

Then I went to work (with dirty hair) and had all the same drama to deal with. It was exhausting. I realized around 1 that I had a horrible headache, but I had a meeting at 1:30 to prepare for and I just couldn't bring myself to take 5 minutes and heat up my lunch. So guess what? This is so amazingly thoughtful, I almost cried. I felt my friend G walk up and set something down by my elbow -- and it was my lunch. That she had taken from the freezer (we have to label everything) and heated up for me. Just because. It tasted much better than it would have had I heated it up myself, that's for sure.

By the time the day ended, my head still hurt and I was cranky and exhausted -- but knew if I came straight home I would nap on the couch until like 11 and then be up all night. So instead I grabbed some pizza and headed over to my friend K's house, where we ate dinner and watched extra episodes of the now-defunct "Six Degrees" on the internet. And she kindly listened to my entire work rant from start to finish, not even chiming in once about how much she adores her job. Well, until I asked her. I needed to hear something positive, what can I say.

Finally I got home about 30 minutes ago. It's nice and cool outside again, so I was going around the house opening windows, when I saw them: the iPod earbuds. Strewn out in the middle of the floor. The same iPod earbuds my friend CrazyMomcat and I had searched for for at least half an hour before her flight Sunday. She knew she had put them somewhere obvious, but they were gone gone gone. The same earbuds she had to replace at Best Buy before her flight out. And it's been four days, and now they suddenly appear in the middle of the living room -- hmmm, I WONDER WHICH CAT THIEF MIGHT HAVE BEEN HOARDING THE EAR BUDS?
HMMMM?

Day two and counting

Well I committed to posting every day this week, but wow. It's hard. I should have known this, because it's why I haven't been posting regularly in the first place, but still.

um.


I have nothing to share. I'm so sorry. I'm sitting on my couch with my boyfriend Jess purring just inches from my face. Oh wait - now he's draped one arm casually over the laptop. I think he's trying to communicate that he's sleepy -- well so am I. But for some reason my mind is like "but it's only midnight. you still have time to take a bath! or do a load of laundry! so many things!" while my body is all "sleep. must. have. sleep. beautiful, restorative sleeeeeeeep." Yes, the inner conflict rages on.

However, tonight, I will succumb to the sleepy. And i'll work on having more interesting thoughts tomorrow, mmm-kay?

feeling profound

I am in a heightened state of awareness for some reason, on this typical Monday night, at the end of a nothing-special Mon-day. I suppose some would argue that every day is special. And yes, I suppose that is true. But if I thought about that too much i'd get all depressed about how my life is trickling away, moment by moment, wasted in a cubicle in a building overlooking the mountains, which is where my soul really should be. I mean, really. But you know, my soul is much closer than it was a year ago; baby steps.

It was very hard to go to work today without feeling a certain amount of bitterness. I had a carefree weekend with a dear friend from Texas, a weekend of deep thoughts, catching up, and silly shopping. It was a whirlwind, but a happy whirlwind, but I was not happy to return to "real life" today. And when I got to work, there was another issue there that promised to, and did in fact, make my day unpleasant. Actually, a person. Someone with whom I must collaborate, but who seems to make mistakes like they were going out of style--and each mistake has the potential to make my job just a little bit harder than it already is. This breeds bitterness, and oh, how bitter I have been. Yet I have felt shitty about feeling bitter about this person. Because nobody is perfect, we all mess up, who knows what's going on in this person's personal life that's making this person totally screw up at work, blahblahblah -- and I feel selfish for my attitude over the past couple of weeks and my mounting frustration. Even while I am suffering guilt for this, I am still simmering, annoyed. So as you might imagine, work is not my happy place right now. Not even close.

But hey - at least I have a mountain view from my small, gray cubicle.

[not bitter not bitter not bitter not bitter]

In other news, I rediscovered a blog by an author I greatly admire and she has been up to all kinds of deep thoughts lately. She has been writing about issues that are touching me in ways I haven't been touched in a while. I got caught up for about an hour just digging through her archives of the past few months, and rediscovering why I love her writing in the first place. She's a bit more "out there" than I am, but her approach fascinates me. She is definitely on a journey and it's damn interesting to read about. Anyway. It may not be your cup of tea, but I was in the right kind of introspective mood to absorb it tonight.

By mountain time, I am still under the Monday deadline for D's week-long blogging challenge, so yay for me! And yay for D for encouraging us to get to thinking and to get blogging again.

Score.

I can't help it -- I'm still riding the incredible high of finding a diamond in the pile of coal that is the Ross shoe department. Oh, it happens now and then; my sistah has had more luck finding treasures there than I have. But tonight I became a believer. I found these boots (in black). For $19.99. OMG. They're so beautiful, so leathery, so funky. And so 80% off their normal price!!! A deal like this is found maybe once a season. Maybe. Last year I found The Deal unknowingly, on, haha, another pair of black boots. But they were totally different. They were. {shut up.}

Anyway, I can't get over the rush I have had for a few hours now. This led me to consider how incredibly sad it is that shopping gave me the biggest high I've had all week, since I went white water rafting last Friday. That's right. I said WHITE WATER RAFTING. Me, Lisa, the lifelong water-phobe. And it was fun, really fun!! I will post pics soon. You have to see 'em to believe 'em. The best I can do right now is to show you the post-rafting feast, where me and my pals ate what were possibly the best cheeseburgers in the world. Evah. You can see that we are still a little damp from the river. Behold:

Me, eating a cheeseburger.*

G., eating a cheeseburger.

and finally,

A., G.'s sister, eating a cheeseburger.

I leave you with that. I'm going to go cuddle with my new boots now.


*this might be the only existing photo of me without lipstick since I was 11.

Rekindling my Colorado spirit

I have been in a weird emotional place lately. I think it's because it is summertime, which for the past 20 years has been my least favorite season, and now that I'm here and there's not mind-numbing heat, I'm able to focus on and remember the years in which it was actually my favorite time of the year. I've talked about Spring Canyon before, but I hadn't really thought about it in a long time. Like, since I've moved here, really. Which is insane. That place and those people had such a profound effect on me, changing who I was and how I thought about myself. I honestly don't know if I would have survived high school if not for my yearly escape to the mountains.

So imagine my surprise when I was driving toward the mountains last week, on my way home from visiting the nephews in south Denver, feeling kind of moody and a little bit lonely; wondering when this place would feel like home; and then SHAZAAM, the realization that um, I have felt at home here before, and I'll bet if I looked around a little bit, I could even reconnect with some of the dear people I knew so well 20 (gulp) years ago. In other words, HELLO, Spring Canyon is only a couple of hours away!!! And a handful of the people I befriended there were from Denver, so I'll bet I could get on google and dig up at least some of them. It's so bizarre to me how that epiphany, a) took so long to happen, and b) made me instantly think of Denver differently; not as a giant, foreign city to conquer, but as somewhere where I had very happy memories when I was much, much younger.

So, note to self: begin excavation Spring Canyon. Before the summer is gone. I'd love to drive up there for a weekend and see if anyone I know still works there. I would love it even more if my dear friend Kelly, the only person I am still close to who understands and remembers that time, could explore it with me. KJ, that is a not-so-subtle nudge to get up here :)

I'm thinking a roadtrip is in order... I don't know about you, but I definitely need to reconnect with that other Lisa, the one who could laugh with her whole body, love with her whole soul, and truly escape the troubles of everyday life, if only for a few weeks a year. I live here now - I'm thinking I should work on making that carefree, optimistic attitude more of an everyday thing.

why life doesn't suck right now

It's high time I climbed back on the blogging wagon, so i'm going to start with an update approach like my sistah did. I too will make a list of what I've been up to, which in my case, translates into why life doesn't suck right now. Here goes!

1. I am still benefiting from the aftereffects of a week-long vacation with some of my favorite people. Work has been stressful and busy since I've returned, but thanks to the time away I seem to be handling it with better perspective and not freaking out. This is a good thing.
2. Shutterfly. Seriously. I needed to post my photos somewhere where I could get prints, and I chose Shutterfly for various reasons. It's been awesome - - I even ordered notecards with Jess on them -- if only I could think of a reason to send them out!! I have cute notecards, y'all! Be on the lookout, at some point or another you might be the recipient of a smiling cat in your mailbox... You can also order magnets, coffee mugs, everything. It's a great place for making a gift for that hard-to-buy-for-person on your list.
3. Weight Watchers. I've been doing this for a few months now with success. It's slow going, but it's supposed to be; they say the slower, more naturally it comes off the longer it stays off. We'll see, since I'm in it for the long haul. I have hesitated to post about this because I hate hate hate making such an announcement and then falling off the horse and having to admit that to everyone... but I figure maybe this will actually make me more accountable. I've lost almost 20 pounds, which feels good, but I am keenly aware that I have a long way to go. But it sure helps the motivation to wake up in the morning and fit into pants you've had stored away for a couple of years...!!! Anyway - hooray for a plan that works!
4. Visitors! Babs will be here this Thursday, and then Steph is coming to see me just a couple weeks after that. I'm so excited to see my pals! This will also make August fly by fast, getting us closer to the fall/winter--my favorite seasons :)
5. Visiting! I am going to Texas for a week in October, and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again. I've resigned myself to the fact that it will most certainly still be hotter than hell, even in October, but oh well...I can fly home to snow, perhaps ;)

So that's kind of what's going on. This summer has flown by, that's for sure! I really don't know where July went. Not that I'm complaining...it hasn't been Texas-hot here, but hot for Colorado nonetheless. Interesting to see how I really do hate being hot, no matter how beautiful it is outside or what state I'm in...

Ciao for now.

so long

No, I'm not saying goodbye to blogging, although it may seem like it since i've been so scarce. I really don't know why I haven't felt compelled to write. I've been reading a lot instead...does that count for something?

I'm no longer depressed about being back in Colorado (as opposed to being on vacation -- but i keep reminding myself that CO is like living on vacation, i just need to do more), but i'm still not thrilled with my day job. Then again, how many people do you know who are? Actually thrilled with their day jobs?

Depressing. Sorry. Although in the good news department, yay Babs for following your heart! You're my hero, spurning "the man". :)

Ok well i'm going to bed now, so I can get up tomorrow morning and start off another fun-filled week in the wild world of marcom.

good times.

(or...not. was this perhaps the lamest blog post evah? EVAH?)

post-vacation insomnia

I can't sleep. This is the third night I've been back in my own bed since the trip, and for some reason I am wide awake. I think I'm still on CA time, maybe? I dunno, but it sucks. The worse thing is that I'm tired all day at work, then wide awake when I actually can sleep.

I hate coming home from vacation. I just hate it. I want to live on vacation -- is that really too much to ask?? I think I am closest to my authentic self when I'm on vacation. I'm stress free, rested, not worried about work, etc. The trip to Tahoe was just what I needed. Bonding time with my Austin friends, perspective from work, and distance. I loved it and I want to go back. But now that I'm back in my **real** life, I can already feel the knots re-knotting in my shoulders.

And being gone for a week has made me feel really behind. I have all these things to do, and I can't make myself do them. Fundamental things, like going to the dentist and returning emails. All I seem to want to do is stare at the TV and feel sad that I don't know when my next trip will be.

I miss this:
And this:
And this:
(a couple of those are probably courtesy of Dipu, but I'm not sure since we consolidated our pics... i'm sure between me, Dipu, Babs, and Matt, you will be seeing Tahoe pics for a while to come...)