I am in a heightened state of awareness for some reason, on this typical Monday night, at the end of a nothing-special Mon-day. I suppose some would argue that every day is special. And yes, I suppose that is true. But if I thought about that too much i'd get all depressed about how my life is trickling away, moment by moment, wasted in a cubicle in a building overlooking the mountains, which is where my soul really should be. I mean, really. But you know, my soul is much closer than it was a year ago; baby steps.
It was very hard to go to work today without feeling a certain amount of bitterness. I had a carefree weekend with a dear friend from Texas, a weekend of deep thoughts, catching up, and silly shopping. It was a whirlwind, but a happy whirlwind, but I was not happy to return to "real life" today. And when I got to work, there was another issue there that promised to, and did in fact, make my day unpleasant. Actually, a person. Someone with whom I must collaborate, but who seems to make mistakes like they were going out of style--and each mistake has the potential to make my job just a little bit harder than it already is. This breeds bitterness, and oh, how bitter I have been. Yet I have felt shitty about feeling bitter about this person. Because nobody is perfect, we all mess up, who knows what's going on in this person's personal life that's making this person totally screw up at work, blahblahblah -- and I feel selfish for my attitude over the past couple of weeks and my mounting frustration. Even while I am suffering guilt for this, I am still simmering, annoyed. So as you might imagine, work is not my happy place right now. Not even close.
But hey - at least I have a mountain view from my small, gray cubicle.
[not bitter not bitter not bitter not bitter]
In other news, I rediscovered a blog by an author I greatly admire and she has been up to all kinds of deep thoughts lately. She has been writing about issues that are touching me in ways I haven't been touched in a while. I got caught up for about an hour just digging through her archives of the past few months, and rediscovering why I love her writing in the first place. She's a bit more "out there" than I am, but her approach fascinates me. She is definitely on a journey and it's damn interesting to read about. Anyway. It may not be your cup of tea, but I was in the right kind of introspective mood to absorb it tonight.
By mountain time, I am still under the Monday deadline for D's week-long blogging challenge, so yay for me! And yay for D for encouraging us to get to thinking and to get blogging again.