Thursday, September 08, 2005

Five reasons why my ex believed he was an alien abductee

It's true. Half jokingly or not, he was convinced ("ha ha") he had been secretly abducted by aliens. ahem. I am neither agreeing nor mocking, I am simply presenting his "evidence" because it is...amusing? interesting? thought provoking? Anyway, here goes:

1. He always seemed to look at a digital clock when it was exactly 11:11. (He read somewhere this was a "sign" you'd been abducted; but I'll be damned if I don't do it all the time ever since he pointed it out years ago...what does it MEAN???)
2. He would break out in a cold sweat during any movies/tv shows/books dealing with this topic -- although he also searched for them and watched/read them with horrid delight. He both relished and feared the spooky "deja vu" he would supposedly experience.
3. One day he showed me that he did, indeed, have odd little scabs behind each of his ears -- right where he had seen/read that alien abductees often had this "feature". Due to secret alien experiments. Or something.
4. He once took me hours out of our way on a road trip to show me the Marfa Lights. I have to admit they were weird. But cool. He had always been compelled to see them. (sigh) Honestly? I'd never even heard of them until he took me there.
5. He had always suffered from sleeping disorders like insomnia or restlessness or sleep "binges" where he could sleep for like 16 hours in a row.

And that, my friends, is why my ex believed he was an alien abductee. Which really would explain a lot, if true.....

I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and if there's a teeny tiny part of you wondering if you, too, are an abductee? Check out this helpful website and report back to us.

7 comments:

Crazy MomCat said...

OK, that seals it for me...he was/is nuts. I didn't know about any of this. Wow!

Incidentally, I red that list and has almost 20 things off of it that fit me. Does that mean I'm an alien too? woooooo....maybe that's why your ex always deemed me an "acceptable" friend of yours. Hmmm...I wonder....

sarah said...

HAHA! I read this headline and cracked up. After everything you've told me about your ex, this doesn't really surprise me. But he was so dedicated to living in Texas. Does this mean he's from an alien planet and was sent to Texas to slowly infiltrate our culture and even the highest levels of government?
Is he, perchance, a Republican?

Vive le resistance!

Lisabell said...

Actually, he was pretty much a bleeding heart liberal :) Oh, and there's a distinction to be made; he believed he had been taken by aliens, not that he WAS an alien. Because that would clearly mess up his "I'm a 2560th-generation Texan" schtick. No no, it was "I'm a 256th-generation Texan who has been studied by aliens, then returned safely to Texas."

Babs said...

aha, another example of how he's a FREAK! I thought that Fox Mulder was so adorable on the X Files, but in real life, it all sure sounds cuckoo!

sarah said...

I bet you wish the aliens had kept him. Maybe you could have worked out a trade or something. You know, like swap out your ex for some cool alien kitty....or something.

Crazy MomCat said...

I wish I knew how to spell the word "read," that's what I wish. HA! LOL!

I also misspoke earlier--I knew that list was for if you'd been "visited" by an alien. Anyway, it's all still really weird to me!

matthewstoryteller said...

Ya know, Michelle's theory is that the alien abductee thing is actually a psychological defense mechanism that people have convinced themselves of to cover up an extremely traumatic event. Like being sexually assaulted.

Just sayin...