Thursday, January 11, 2007

I can be...challenging.

1. likely to change, esp. due to caprice, irresolution, or instability; casually changeable
2. not constant or loyal in affections

I have an early childhood memory of my mother explaining to me the meaning of the word fickle--since she had used it to describe me, her small daughter. I don’t remember what I did to merit this label--perhaps I had spurned the PB&J I had demanded just yesterday--but it made perfect sense once she explained it. And it’s stuck with me ever since.

As I grew older, I preferred to think of myself as whimsical, or even mercurial. But let’s be honest: fickle pretty much nails it.

There is some part of me that wants--no, expects--to be constantly entertained, and is impatient with the least bit of monotony. In high school, where there was no time to be bored, this translated into boyfriend drama. In college, I was at my best during finals and breakups. Plus, I changed roommates and apartments almost every semester. Today, this trait is evident in my long resume, my choice to go from a house to an apartment at age 36, and the fact that I haven’t had a long-term relationship in almost 10 years. Oh, and that moving-from-Texas-to-Colorado thing, too.

I get bored with… well… pretty much everything. Jobs. Homes. Cities. Boys. TV shows. Lipstick shades. Food. The list goes on and on. And as for a long-term relationship--I’m afraid, at this point in my singledom, that I will never be able to cohabitate again--with a significant other or even just a regular ole roommate. And while that does worry me, on some level, I feel a sense of relief that I may never again have to compromise in my personal life, yay! I know. I’m on medication already, thanks. But it’s much easier to be single than in a relationship. You can make all the decisions yourself--about your finances, d├ęcor, free time--and no one gets pissed if you change your mind.

I seem to be on a four-year cycle with change and/or upheaval. My working theory is that this began as a child, when as an Army brat, I moved every four years to a new school, new town, new friends, new life. Then high school was four (miserable) years. Then college was four (better) years. Married for (technically) four years. A new car about every four years. I broke out of it when I actually bought a house and stayed there for six years, but that was an all-time record for me. I was in Austin for 12, which is a multiple of four, so, see! It still works.

Being fickle also means I can be indecisive and change my mind easily. I might begin the day excited about happy-hour plans, carefully applying makeup and donning all-black attire, and by 3pm all I want is to go straight home and nap--the thought of being “on” in a social situation the furthest thing from my mind. I can change a food craving in a heartbeat. Just suggest something else, try me. I also have a hard time buying furniture, because I might stalk a piece for months, then when it comes time to buy it, the commitment of it freaks me out and I decide it’s not what I want after all. (You have to look at it EVERY DAY. Come on. Hard.) (Do you SEE why I'm single??)

However. And it’s a big, fat however. With BIG life-changing decisions? I have been known to move quickly. Like with buying new cars, or my house (which I chose on the first day of house-hunting, and never looked back). Making friends. Falling in love. Let’s stop there, shall we?

This post is a roundabout way of introducing this new thing I’m starting, It’s a service, really, to help myself and fellow bloggers struggling with occasional writer’s block or lack of inspiration. I am going to introduce a topic each week, and I, and hopefully you, will write at least one post about it. Let’s call it…
The Weekly Blog Challenge.

(I know – I write headlines for a living, can you believe it??) I used to do this way back when, sporadically, but I think it’s time to do it formally. And while it’s late in the week, I have been suffering from Stale Blog Syndrome lately, and I want to get started immediately.

So, this week’s blog challenge is – Write something introspective about yourself.

Go, do it! Then come back and tell me.


Anonymous said...

I'm in, my friend! And, thank you for helping with my blog block too! There's a new post on my site. YAY!

Nicole said...

OK! I did it, too. Thanks for the inspiration Sistah!

Babs said...

I'm in too! Thanks for doing this.

Vanessa said...

Just found you through Crazy Momcat's site. I could have written practically every word of this post myself.

Thanks for the topics, I'll use them in the future!