uncomfortably numb

The more it sinks in, the less I am aware of taking air into my lungs. When she first told me, I was oddly ambivalent. I felt nothing but curiosity. But an hour later, it hit me like a ton of bricks: once again, I had been passed over in favor of someone else. This has happened before. More than once. No matter what rational thoughts I might have had initially, right now all I can think of is how unlovable I must be. Because, seriously. Did I love him? No. Did I think we had a future? Not since 2001, no. But does it hurt that in the two months since I’ve last spoken to him, he’s managed to knock up his ex-girlfriend and propose to her? Why yes, yes it does.