Monday, May 14, 2007

secret thoughts

  • I don’t really like children all that much; only if there’s an emotional attachment (only nephews, friends' kids, etc).
  • I fear I will wake up at 50 and wish I'd had children.
  • I think I would be a shitty mother.
  • I fear growing old by myself.
  • I'm afraid I'll be poor when I retire.
  • I am afraid that if I don’t lose the weight now, no one will ever love me in time to keep me from growing old by myself.
  • I’m afraid that if I lose the weight and someone falls in love with me, I will secretly resent them forever for only loving skinny me.
  • I’m think it’s inevitable that I will die of cancer or heart disease.
  • I’m afraid I’ll always be in love with him.
  • I’m scared that I’m losing touch with some of my closest friends because I moved out of state.
  • I feel sad when I think about my other friends having kids because I know it will take them further away from me.
  • I still fantasize about marrying a millionaire and never having to work again.
  • I’m afraid if I didn’t have to work I’d go mad and/or gain 500 pounds.
  • I think I’m unlovable—ultimately, men have always chosen mates other than me.
  • I am often torn between lonely and grateful for my solitude.
  • I’m too attached to my cat.
  • Sometimes I really wonder what the point of it all is.
  • I don’t like my job.
  • I’m afraid something will happen to one of my parents and I won’t be able to get there in time.
  • I feel very disconnected right now.
  • I'm afraid I will never be published.
  • I worry that my nephews won't like me when they get older.
  • PMS kicks my ass.

1 comment:

Hope said...

Maybe this will make you laugh. When I read your first line I thought it said 'chicken' instead of children and then I wondered why'd you regret waking up at 50 not having had chicken because at 50 you can still eat chicken.

I think many of the same things too, except the children/chicken thing. I don't like the first and I like the second :)