I am not frazzled today, for the first time in over a week. This is a good thing. Last week, when I was trying to do ten hundred frillion different projects and run to 40 gajillion meetings and run 890 trilgazillion errands, I remember the thought briefly crossing my mind that damn, I could sure use a clone. Why are we so opposed to cloning, again? Besides the innate creepiness and the frightening possibilities of life-gone-wrong, I mean? Come on now. Couldn’t you use a clone of yourself?
If I had a clone, I’d totally give it all the shit work while I’d go travel the world. Just think – as quickly as the clone could earn money, I could spend it! I wouldn’t even have to wait till the weekends! Or work around vacation time! On other days, I’d leave the clone at home to clean. Really scrub. Hell, I’d have the clone wash the cats.
The possibilities are endless. I could take the clone shopping with me, because I love shopping, but I’d make it try on all the clothes, so I could be forever spared from the harsh, unforgiving lights of the dressing room and the demoralization that comes from stuffing your body into stretch jeans that are STILL too tight. I would always have a designated driver. In fact, I could make it drive me everywhere, all the time! And at night, while I slept, I’d make the clone get a second job on the night shift. Just for extra spending money, you know. For all the traveling.
I would sign the clone up for eHarmony so it could weed through all the weirdo losers, and then I’d step in when it found someone worthy. Just think of it – no more bad dates, ever again. Kick. Ass. And if I did settle down and have a baby someday, the clone could totally babysit and do all the night feedings, too!
Bring it on, mad scientists of the world, bring it on.