Saturday, July 12, 2008

goodbye gray pumpkin.

I have a lot to share, for so much has happened in the past two weeks. Joyful things. And I will share these things. But not right now. Right now, the only thing i can focus on is the loss of Jess, my gray pumpkin spice. We had to let him go yesterday -- he was just working too hard to breathe and he wasn't resting and he couldn't get comfortable because his body was so very full of fluid. He was not having a good time anymore. He still sat on my head every night and purred me to sleep, but I could feel his labored breathing, labored purring. It was just time. This doesn't stop me from beating myself up about it, oh no, I've been crying for two days now. I feel guilty. I feel relieved. I feel grief. I feel sorrow. I feel love. I feel responsible. But most of all, I feel the giant hole left in my life, in my home, in my soul, now that he is gone. I miss him so much. There will never be another Jess.

1995 - 2008


babs said...

I'm so sorry. Big hugs to you and R and much love. Jess was truly one of a kind.

Crazy MomCat said...

Oh, Lisa! There are NO words for this. All I can say is that what Babs says is totally true or else I wouldn't be tearing up right now. For some reason, Jess was just such a special cat and so unique in many ways. And, I know he saw you through some really hard times over the years too. He was really a such a gift, wasn't he? HUGS

SB-Gal said...

I'm so sorry for you. It's so hard to lose a beloved pet. Bigs hugs to you from California :(

Dipu said...

Aw. I was hoping he could hold out longer. It does sound like he let you know it was right, but I know how hard this must be for you. Always know that you gave him such a great life, that he'll never forget you for that.