resolute.

In 2008, I will attempt to start blogging again regularly. Really. And to get started, I'm going to do a questionnaire proposed by sundry, then done by Babs and my sistah and Steph, to name a few.........it also seems like a really appropriate way to close out 2007, which was a really big year for me :) So, I present to you:

Lisa's 2007

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Soaked in an outdoor hot tub surrounded by snow and ice.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't make them, typically.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, my dear friend Hope had a baby girl named Greta.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, a family friend I've known since birth passed away in October.

5. What countries did you visit?

I only traveled in the U.S. this year. Gotta fix that.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Travel abroad, a new house.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Labor Day, 9/3 -- the day I met R.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Gosh, I really don't know. Not quitting my job in disgust?

9. What was your biggest failure?
Um. Not quitting my job in disgust?



10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A house!! Although technically, that's not official until April of this year.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Babs, for following her heart and going freelance again.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Hint: a celebrity whose name sounds like "shitney".

14. Where did most of your money go?

shoes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Meeting R.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

"Bubbly"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?

Happier, thinner, about the same financially.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Travel.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Stress out, work long hours.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Christmas Eve with my sister and her family; Christmas Day with my dear friends K and K.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

OMG, FINALLY!

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Grey's.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope. Same asshole. ;)

24. What was the best book you read?

"Torch" by Cheryl Strayed

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Sarah Barielle (thanks Steph!)

26. What did you want and get?

Love and acceptance.

27. What did you want and not get?

A trip abroad.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't see very many. The most recent one that comes to mind is "I am Legend", which was not an Oscar winner or anything, but very interesting.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I celebrated with my friends and family in Texas, and I turned 37.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I'd paid off every last bit of my debt once and for all.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Comfortable and warm.

32. What kept you sane?

My friends.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

David Beckham.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The war in Iraq.

35. Who did you miss?

My friends in Austin who I don't get to see as often as I'd like.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Robert.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.

Everything that you know can change in a matter of seconds.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Everything in its right place." - Radiohead

secret thoughts

• I don’t really like children all that much; only if there’s an emotional attachment (only nephews, friends' kids, etc).
• I fear I will wake up at 50 and wish I'd had children.
• I think I would be a shitty mother.
• I fear growing old by myself.
• I'm afraid I'll be poor when I retire.
• I am afraid that if I don’t lose the weight now, no one will ever love me in time to keep me from growing old by myself.
• I’m afraid that if I lose the weight and someone falls in love with me, I will secretly resent them forever for only loving skinny me.
• I’m think it’s inevitable that I will die of cancer or heart disease.
• I’m afraid I’ll always be in love with him.
• I’m scared that I’m losing touch with some of my closest friends because I moved out of state.
• I feel sad when I think about my other friends having kids because I know it will take them further away from me.
• I still fantasize about marrying a millionaire and never having to work again.
• I’m afraid if I didn’t have to work I’d go mad and/or gain 500 pounds.
• I think I’m unlovable—ultimately, men have always chosen mates other than me.
• I am often torn between lonely and grateful for my solitude.
• I’m too attached to my cat.
• Sometimes I really wonder what the point of it all is.
• I don’t like my job.
• I’m afraid something will happen to one of my parents and I won’t be able to get there in time.
• I feel very disconnected right now.
• I'm afraid I will never be published.
• I worry that my nephews won't like me when they get older.
• PMS kicks my ass.
  

me me me me me me me me me me me me meme.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10:00
2. Diamonds or Pearls? Diamonds.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Happy Feet.
4. What is your favourite TV show? Grey's Anatomy.
5. What did you eat for breakfast? Chocolate chip pancakes with strawberry syrup. Here. As in, I made them myself. Close your mouth, it's unflattering.
6. What foods do you dislike? Fish, rare meat, brussel sprouts, raw celery.
7. Your favourite potato chip? Kettle regular flavor
8. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Justin Timberlake - Sexyback (shut up.)
9. What kind of car do you drive? Mazda CX-7.
10. Favourite sandwich? Chicken salad.
11. What characteristics do you despise? bossiness, two-faced, dishonesty.
12. What are your favourite clothes? Jeans and any shirt/sweater that makes me look skinny. -er.
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Paris.
14. What colour is your bathroom? One is red/cream, the other is green/earth tones.
15. Favourite brand of clothing? whatever fits. I like J. Jill and Eddie Bauer, but i'm not picky if it fits.
16. Favourite time of day? When I first get home from work and change into comfy clothes.
17. Where would you want to retire to? Up in the mountains OR Europe.
18. Favourite sport to watch? None.
19. Coke or Pepsi? Out of the two, Coke. But really, it's Dr. Pepper all the way.
20. Are you a morning person or night owl? Total night owl.
21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? There's a boy who wants to meet me for coffee, but i haven't replied to him yet. Because I'm not really excited. So, never mind.
22. What did you want to be when you were little? A famous singer.
23. What is your best childhood memory? Spring Canyon.
24. Nicknames? Lisabell; Lis
25. Piercings? 2 holes in each ear, but I hardly ever fill them.
26. Eye Colour? Green.
27. Favourite day of the week? Saturday.
28. Favourite restaurant? The Texican. In Austin.
29. Favourite ice cream? Godiva chocolate raspberry truffle.
30. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? LUSH.
31. Bedtime? between midnight and 1am.
32. What are you listening to right now? The dishwasher running and a repeat of CSI Miami.
33. How many tattoos do you have? None.
34. Next film you'll see? No idea what's even playing, but I'd like to see Babel when it comes out on DVD...
35. Tag anyone? Anyone reading this who's suffering from blog block.

Observations on travel - the short list

During my recent jet setting, I have learned/observed various things. Things such as:

1. Don't E.V.E.R. fly with a sinus infection.
2. Don't consume 5 cough drops in under 10 minutes -- even though this may prevent said infected sinuses from exploding upon takeoff and landing, it will make you somewhat dizzy. And nauseous. Also, don't freak upon reading the cough-drop instructions and seeing you are only supposed to take "1 every 2-3 hours". It's too late. Deal.
3. Be prepared to battle ants in the catfood -- for the first time in a year -- upon your late-night return.
4. Do not expect to sleep after leaving said cats alone for 10 days out of the last 14. Having a petsitter doesn't take the edge off. At all.
5. It's okay to think hateful thoughts about the person seated next to you on your 4th flight in 14 days. Thoughts like, "If that person steals my armrest ONE MORE TIME i'm spiking her water with cough drops when she gets up to go to the bathroom for the 4th time in half an hour..." Think it, but don't do it.
6. Don't expect to meet lofty goal of getting your house on the market four days after returning from many travels, much stress, and a sinus infection.
7. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're not feeling particularly prolific upon your return to hell - er, Texas in July. ;)

Um. Yeah, so a list of seven. Sorry, that's the best i can do right now. More to come...

One of those list thingies...

First off, I cannot beLIEVE it has been almost a week since my last post. Time flies when you're in hell. Anyway.

I stole this from MissZoot because I am still deep in the midst of a stress storm and can't think of anything to say that is a) positive or b) not about work, which is off limits. So here ya go -- take it and run with it, if you want to:


10 years ago I was:
...married
...a technical writer
...going to SA every weekend to take care of my mom, who had cancer
...pre-therapy
...newly transplanted in Austin


5 years ago I was:
...unmarried
...a copywriter
...a new auntie
...quite a bit skinnier
...a new, and very proud, homeowner


1 year ago I was:
...still single
...at a brand new job and very happy about it
...just back from visiting Sarah in SF
...a three-time auntie
...just starting to talk to BT again

Yesterday I was:
...stressed out
...tired
...hungry, about this time
...undecided

5 snacks I enjoy the most:
1. Ben & Jerry's ice cream
2. Goldfish
3. cashews from AustinNuts (yes, it makes a difference)
4. anything chocolate
5. Little Debbie swiss rolls OR oatmeal cream pies

5 songs I know all the words to:
1. Ant Rap - Adam & the Ants
2. Come to Jesus - Mindy Smith
3. Ice Cream - Sarah McLachlan
4. Barely Breathing - Duncan Sheik
5. Never is a Promise - Fiona Apple

5 ideal places for running away to:
1. Paris
2. Victoria, BC (newly discovered)
3. my sister's house in CO
4. Spring Canyon
5. Verona, Italy

5 items you will never see me wear:
1. pantyhose
2. bikini
3. hat
4. tapered jeans/pants
5. capri pants (vs. cropped, which are fine)

5 biggest joys in life:
1. my nephews
2. shopping
3. traveling
4. my circle of friends
5. being alive

that is all.

Stumbling down the path

Well, a good friend of mine's blog today was very deep and introspective, and brought up an issue that I, too struggle with more than I care to admit: Have I made the right choices in my life, and what would have been different had I made different ones? This has been weighing heavily on my mind as of late, for some reason, so I feel like my friend and I are in perfect psychic sync :)

Now I am not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but I remembered an article I read in an old Oprah magazine, and I searched around on the web until
I found it. I didn't realize he was the author until now. Hm. Anyway, Dr. Phil believes we all have made seven critical choices that are life changing, and our self-concept has been shaped by the result of these choices. There is a fascinating and scary questionnaire you can take to figure out some of these things. I only did one of my seven critical choices, and I'm feeling a little raw and fragile as a result. I hope I can get up the gumption to do them all. I'd love to share what I've done so far, but I think this particular choice is too personal to share on the web. Maybe I'll get the guts at some point, but not tonight. However, I will share my initial list, sans details, of the 7 critical/pivotal choices I have made in my life. Those forks in the road to which Steph referred:

1. Choosing to lose my virginity - when and to whom. (not internet-friendly, people).
2. Choosing to take off the spring semester of my junior year of college and work full-time at Foleys in College Station, TX.
3. Choosing to stay in Texas and wait for my ex to propose rather than pursuing my dream of living in CO at Spring Canyon, where I had been extended an offer.
4. Choosing to move to Austin and financially support my ex while he finished college.
5. Choosing to finally go get the help I needed, finally facing my issues, and reaching a lot of truths I feared. My journey to me.
6. Leaving my ex-husband as a result of this self-discovery.
7. Deciding to throw caution (and finances) to the wind and go to Europe with Tamara on Freedom Trip 1997. Although it was a decision, it was a decision to be impulsive, for one of the first times in my life. If that makes sense.

But, there are more! I'm supposed to narrow it down to 7, but since this is my blog and I can do what I want to, I'm going to continue the list until I feel I'm finished.

8. Choosing to fall crazy in love with a guy I knew wasn't ready for it so soon after my separation - and subsequently moving in together less than a year later.
9. Realizing it was time to end this relationship that had such a profound and important effect on my self-esteem and my life - this was one of the saddest moments of my lifetime.
10. After realizing I hated being a tech writer, I chose to put myself out there by applying for a copywriter job - my "dream" job
11. Accepting the job.
12. Deciding to return to tech writing after I'd been laid off from the "dream" job for almost a year.
13. Being a copywriter again, and promising myself I'll never go back to tech writing because this is where I should be, career-wise.

My car wreck two years ago was a profoundly pivotal moment in my life, but it doesn't make the list because it wasn't something I chose.

Whew, that was a little bit gut wrenching. I challenge you to make your own list, and maybe even share it with us - we can call it "Blog Therapy" and work through our issues together! But seriously, the next thing on Dr. Phil's path to finding your Authentic Self is making a list of the 5 most influential/pivotal people in your life so far. That's a doozy, and I don't feel up to it right now. I'll save it for the next time I'm in the mood for self-reflection, and who knows when that will be. Tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Until then - goodnight.

Everything you ever wanted to know...

...but were afraid to ask!

My good friend Steph requested that I partake in the following Monday Meme (although it's actually Tuesday, Thank God) to get us started off this week. I think this is an excellent idea, as I'm fried and headachy and not really in the right frame of mind to write about anything deep and meaningful right now... So, here goes:

Three names you go by:
1. Lis
2. Lisabell
3. Sa-sa (young nephews)

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. My skin
2. My fingernails
3. My lips

Three physical things you don’t like about yourself:
1. My belly
2. My stubby legs
3. My hair

Three parts of your heritage:
1. French
2. German
3. Texan!

Three things that scare you:
1. public speaking
2. George W. Bush
3. spiders

Three everyday essentials:
1. lipstick
2. deodorant
3. hair clip

Three of your favorite musical artists:
1. Patty Griffin
2. Duncan Sheik
3. Alanis Morrissette

Three of your favorite songs (today - I'm fickle):
1. Moses, Patty Griffin
2. One Moment More, Mindy Smith
3. Back to Me, Kathleen Edwards

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. Romance
2. Humor
3. Honesty

Three lies and truths in no particular order:
LIES:
1. I'm happy with myself just as I am.
2. I don't want/need a guy in my life.
3. I am confident I will someday publish a book, it's just a matter of time.

TRUTHS:
1. I will not be happy with myself until I get back to a "normal" weight.
2. I will probably not be able to date until I am happy with myself.
3. I feel overwhelmed and discouraged, and do not fully believe that I will ever lose weight or fall in love again.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. kind eyes
2. engaging smile
3. hotness (I can't help it, I like 'em pretty)

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Shopping
2. Writing
3. Swapping bath/beauty products (this requires a blog entry all to itself...someday...)

Three things you want to do really badly now:
1. Lose a significant amount of weight/get healthy
2. Take a 3-week vacation in Europe
3. Write a successful novel

Three careers you’re considering/you’ve considered:
1. Copywriter (yay! that's what I am!)
2. Book Editor
3. Psychologist/Therapist

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. France
2. Italy
3. Germany

Three kid’s names you like:
1. Grace
2. Colby
3. Michelle

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Travel the world
2. Learn to love myself completely
3. Find my "soul mate"

Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. I hate to clean.
2. I hate to cook.
3. I hog the remote control.

Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. I love bath and body products.
2. I love makeup (although I'm too lazy to wear it most of the time).
3. I love shopping.

Three celeb crushes:
1. Brad Pitt
2. Matthew McConnehy
3. I used to say Tom Cruise, but dammit if he hasn't ruined that... so I guess I'll say Matt Damon

Three people that I would like to see take this quiz…
1. Babs
2. Sarah
3. Dipu!

Top 10 klutziest moments

I read another blog today that was talking about being a clumsy child, and it made me realize that all my life I have been plagued with this issue. Why, I don't know. But I decided to make a list and see if I can narrow it down to a Top 10 list of these moments, the ones you wish you could just erase...it might be hard, but here goes:

1. Trip to Europe with Tam in 1997 — can't narrow it down to one incident; this whole trip was a physical disaster. I believe I fell a total of 5 times, one of those times severely injuring my poor, poor left ankle that has been through so much already... You'll have to ask Tam if you want details. I try very hard to block these out.

2. The inside stairs at my last job — I believe I fell down these two flights of stairs 3 times during my 18 months there. These concrete, sharp, LOUD stairs. No injuries were sustained.

3. The outside stairs at my last job — this time there were witnesses. There were about 4-5 steps leading from the building to the parking lot, and one day I was leaving for lunch and just, I dunno, missed one. I fell on my hip in front of a whole group of people, who rushed over to help -- but I had already bounced up, was balanced on my pulverized hip, saying "no, no, I'm FINE, it was no big deal [help me jesus] really, i'm ok..."

[All of these so far are about falling. Hm.]

4. Falling down the steps at Moonshine on a blind date — this was the ultimate humiliation, but at least I never saw or heard from the guy again. I met this guy at a trendy restaurant/bar downtown one afternoon when I was in a foul mood and wanted nothing more than to cancel. [This was partly due to the fact that i found a pic of him on the internet and he looked like a sasquatch]. But I went, because you never know, right??? After drinking 3 martinis to his 2 and no food, I had decided it may not be quite so bad. Well I guess it was, because we abruptly parted ways in front of the valet. He walked off and I turn to the valet and somehow -- you got it -- fell down the steps in front of this trendy restaurant, on my FACE people -- sending my huge purse flying, lipsticks and tampons whipping through the air, loose change clattering, compact shattering...again, I did the "pop up" and was swearing to the valet, with a bloody smile, that I was fine; I think I might have even hissed when he touched my arm to help, but I turned just in time to see the ex-blind date turn around on the sidewalk, see me fall, nod and smile, then turn around and walk away. Prince Charming? I DON'T THINK SO.

5. My "Yak" scar — yay, not about falling! well, not exactly; my friend Alysia will remember this one; during my "experimental" drinking phase in college, one night I began the yakking as soon as we got home. I spent the night in the bathroom, in a fog of nausea and misery, only to wake up at the crack of dawn still in my leather mini skirt, with a pillow under my head (bless you alysia), still in the bathroom. I got up and stared in the mirror for a while because I had blood all over my face. It was originating from this little cut caused from the toilet seat falling just as I leaned forward to yak again. It caught me, literally, right between the eyes. That one was hard to explain at work that day -- I believe I blamed my cat...yeah.


6. Roller-skate wheel — in 2nd grade my class from school went roller skating at the local rink. During the all-girl's skate, this boy I had a crush on, Butchie, was watching from the sidelines. I felt beautiful. I glided gracefully around the rink, feeling his eyes admiring my 2nd-grade self and my obvious skating genius...finally, I was skating right by him, RIGHT IN FRONT of him, when one of the wheels on my skates rolled away. I watched it for a moment, in shock, then ate it and caused a minor pile-up. Just in case you were wondering, Butchie became Butch in high school, which was ironic b/c he was SO gay. Did my failure as a woman contribute in some way? I'll never know...but I'll always wonder... ;)

7. Texas A&M shuttle bus — Rainy, humid day in College Station. De-boarding the un-air-conditioned shuttle bus right in front of Blocker, the then-business building (= cute boys). Wielding a heavy backpack and a stubborn umbrella, I missed a step and fell, BOOM BOOM BOOM, on my ass in a puddle of water. Nothing more needs to be said.

8. Canoe at Spring Canyon — Yet another ill-fated attempt to look cool for a boy. His name was Marshall. We had started out the summer as a couple at this Christian camp in CO where we "worked". A week into it we fell apart. I spent the next 7 weeks or whatever it was trying to make him sorry. So one afternoon, on my day off, I was down at the pond, about to get in a canoe (YES, well now I know, but I didn't then) with a couple of girlfriends. I spotted Marshall coming over the wooden bridge. Instead of clumsily climbing into the canoe, as was my practice, I attempted to step delicately from the ground into the canoe. Well I hadn't been able to do the splits in years, so when the canoe drifted away w/my other foot I ended up in the pond, with a twisted ankle to boot. I had to go to the emergency clinic in Puny Bueny (as we called Buena Vista) and was on crutches for the next week. Oh. So. Elegant.

[I wish I could say I'm running out of recollections, but they just keep on coming.]

9. "The Chair" In a creative meeting — this one was horrifyingly recent. I was in the kitchen at work with the other creatives having an informal brainstorming meeting about something. I went to sit down and (in a matter of seconds, you know) my chair rolled out from under me and I sat on the floor, hitting the back of my head on the chair. It was beautiful. But don't worry, by 35 I've perfected the "pop up".

10. Rollerblading with Babs and Melissa — At the Veloway, a 3-mile paved loop in "nature" where you can either rollerblade or ride your bike, I went 'blading with the girls. Both were better than me, but I knew that going in. So they're going slow, trying not to leave me in the dust, and we start to go down this hill -- ok BABS, very slight hill -- and I feel myself rolling faster, losing control. They reach the end of the hill (the end, not the BOTTOM, ok Babs? ;) and look back at me, just in time to see me realize I was going to bust ass, either on the pavement or in the brush. I decided, in an instant, that bushes would hurt less, so I literally FLUNG myself off the pavement right into the brush -- and Texas brush is not soft. In case you were wondering. I scraped up my arm pretty bad, but to be a good sport, I went home, bandaged myself up, and limped to Shady Grove to meet them for a late lunch.

I am emotionally drained.